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Loss of a Loved One

Sometimes it so happens that you lose something so important to that you don’t realise the depth of this situation until the truth is stated in front of you. Everyday you lead a normal life, as if nothing has changed at all. But at times the realisation  of the fact hits you so hard that you turn absolutely numb.

I felt the same kind of pain. I feel it everyday. I feel it and try to embrace it like a dear old friend but at the same time I try to run away from it because I know the pain is never going to go away.  Its been a month and a day that you are gone and your absence still freezes me with something that I can’t describe. You are my best friend. I lost you in the most scariest of the ways.. something I never thought would happen to you. Death.

You were such an awesome person. Everyone loved you, I loved you.. you were indeed very special to me. you meant a lot even though I never got a chance to tell you. But now when you are gone, there are so many things I want to say to you, so many times I want to stop you from going away.

I wish I had stopped you, a month and a day ago.

Losing your best friend to a place where he is never going to come back from is an entirely different feeling as compard to anything that you might have felt before. You feel so helpless, so tired and so unhappy all the time. You fake a mask of happiness and wear it all the time because you know nobody can understand what you are going through and even if they comprehend, there is nothing they can do about it. They are as helpless as you are. Once gone never comes back.

You count days, stare blankly at their pictures, send them messages and even call them, and all are the desperate measure you make to make that person come back, to make your pain disappear. The pain is excrutiating, almost choking, hurts more than any physical torture. And this goes on until you live.

What we had between us was special. He is an important part of my life. He was more than my best friend, always, it was very complicated but yet our lives were tangled together in such a way that it always felt beautiful.

Such kinds of loses make you cry every night, again and again. It makes you feel the worst kind of loneliness. You feel aged. You imagine every possible thing that you think could have saved them. You repeat every wrong thing you have ever said to them in your mind and curse yourself. You beg to switch places with them but still nothing changes.

You die a lonely death everyday. Time and again.

Vani Govel

Vani is an ambivert and loves spending time with friends, reading novels, writing songs, playing guitar and also dancing. She is pursuing her Psychology Honors and wants things to be in the order they are meant to be. Vani loves her friends and cannot imagine life without them.